Trusting Ourselves

Rebuilding trust within myself! This is exactly what I had been quietly working towards for the past few months.

What Do I Mean By Trust?

For me personally my eating disorder developed as a mechanism to cope with stress and just life in general. I’ve never considered myself fat or overweight, I always led an active lifestyle and ate pretty much anything and everything without a worry. So it’s still a shock for me to see how easily I fell victim to an eating disorder. With it came the constant need to over exercise and counting calories. My biggest fear was trusting myself around food. I live in constant fear that I won’t have self control around certain foods. For example eating 1 cookie might turn into eating a whole packet. So I would avoid certain food groups. Most of you would know this as ‘Food Fears’. I’ve had many for so long even now that I can’t bring myself to face just yet or I will eat in small quantities.

Last night at my friends party I was set on just sticking to the dishes that she had specifically ordered for me. But instead I decided to have a little of everything. I systematically added challenge foods to my plate. Entree I had what everyone else had a Spring roll and a Noodle Salad. For the Main meal there was a Pork dish, Beef dish, Asian greens and Seafood dish…I had a little of everything with Steamed Rice. Dessert was a slice of Caramel Mud Cake with a scoop of Vanilla ice-cream. It’s funny how prior to my eating disorder I could just enjoy food without being overwhelmed by irrational thoughts that fill my head when I’m indulging in a challenge food. In reality it’s not indulging….it’s called eating normally! I’ve given food way too much power in my life and letting go can be scary but as I go on I realize that there is no such thing as perfect eating/clean eating. We just have to be more flexible and eat a variety of foods, all the rest will fall into place. The guilt and anxiety will fade, eating with others is the perfect way to overcome a lot of this. Balance is the goal to recovery!

End Result:

I enjoyed myself last night and had fun πŸ™‚

I know we’ve all heard it before but recovery means getting out there and living life. Our thoughts shouldn’t revolve around food or meal times. But when you actually act on this you will feel so much better and a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Moving onwards to this morning. I was able to get out of bed and go to my Club 10k Training run since I didn’t drink too much last night. I stuck to a 4min per k for the whole run which was a nice comfortable/conversational pace for me. I did feel a little more pain than usual afterward’ s in both heels! That sucked, so I iced it immediately once I got home. I’m thinking next weeks training will be more cross training…oh well. Lol I’m not sure which is worse recovering from a running injury or ED!? They both give me a headache!

I did make my fave bowl of oats for breakfast post run.

Cinnamon Apple & Sultana Oats: 1/3 cup Oats, 1 Chopped Apple, Sultana's, scoop Chai Seeds & 1tsp Cinnamon

I also had quite a few snacks this afternoon. I don’t normally eat this much in one afternoon but I was hungrier than usual. So I just went with it and ate what I craved. In addition to several handfuls of Raw Mixed Nuts I also had:

Yogurt & Pineapple

Bowl of Pomegranate Seeds

Mixed Berry Smoothie: 1 cup Frozen Berries, scoop Chai Seeds, scoop Vanilla Protein Powder, 1/4 cup Milk or Yogurt

I haven’t decided yet what I want for dinner. But The Lion King is on the Disney Channel tonight so dinner will be eaten in front of the TV tonight πŸ™‚

Well I can’t believe Saturday is over already! Tomorrow I plan on starting my Christmas shopping once and for all. Hopefully I can get everything in one day.

Hope You All Have A Wonderful Weekend


19 Comments on “Trusting Ourselves”

  1. I love this post. I can seriously relate and understand – what was once ‘eating normally’ was now considered indulging! I think eating healthy is a great thing, but when we’re out there with friends, it’s definitely fine to eat normally, and that’s definitely another step to recovery.

    Your breakfast oats look great! I haven’t had cinnamon and apples in soooo long.

  2. Alexandra says:

    What a fabulous post. Trust can be such a hard thing to get back after an ED. It’s so exciting to hear how much you’re recovering every day! All of your small steps are definitely adding up, you rock! πŸ˜€
    Enjoy lion king and your Christmas shopping girl!

  3. This post makes me SO ultra happy πŸ˜€ GOOD FOR U GIRL! Proud of you as always πŸ˜€

  4. Tara says:

    I’ve been working on this too!! Last night for me it was not packing snacks when I went over to the neighbors to babysit. I was going to just eat something over there without the guarantee that they would have anything safe! There were plenty of safe foods, but I went with peppermint oreos πŸ™‚ So worth it, and not something I would have brought myself!
    Recovering from ED is harder than recovering from Injury in my opinion. Recovering from injury is more measurable and easier to keep moving forward!

    • Tara that’s great you went for the oreos! I always have that problem too when I babysit, to bring something or just eat whatever they are having for dinner. Recently I haven’t been packing snacks or dinner. I’ve just been going with it and trying to break free from the need to constantly have ‘safe foods’ all the time.

  5. I loved reading this post,Isabelle,because I am so happy you’ve had a great time at the party! πŸ™‚ Plus,it is great to see your progress in every single word you write!
    Enjoy the movie tonight,I wish I’d receive Disney Channel,too! 😦

  6. caloricandcrazy says:

    Aww, I’m glad you had a great time πŸ™‚

  7. I love how far you are coming girl. It makes me so happy. Great job girl. I’m glad you could go and be pretty worry free. Seriously awesome.

  8. Such a great post, and one that I can certainly relate to and appreciate! You have come so far with this entire process and it really inspires me to keep on going… thank you lady πŸ™‚

  9. I’m glad that you enjoyed yourself and ate what you really wanted! πŸ™‚ Thats great that you are learning to trust yourself again around food!! I still struggle with it sometimes but it’s gotten way better over the past months πŸ™‚

    Have a nice weekend!

  10. Ummm, The Lion King is like the best movie ever. And this is a great post! I often don’t trust myself to make good decisions about food – which leads to obsessing. Badbadbad! I’m trying to change that. It’s great to hear that you’re succeeding!

  11. My ED started as a way to cope with stress too / a “control” thing. I had been overweight in the past but was not overweight when it started, and did not consider myself so. It’s interesting how the mind works.
    Good job on eating lots of yummy food, you’re so right that recovery is about getting out there!! I went out all day yesterday and half of today, and because I was so busy with friends I barely thought about food at all, except when I got hungry! It was great πŸ™‚

  12. gosh i can relate with you SOOOOO much!!! the trust thing is so huge. you’ve really made me think about some of my habits at times and ‘guilt’ feelings!!
    so glad you have come to realize how irrational it is

  13. pbbrittany says:

    I can relate (as well as everybody else is too πŸ˜› ) with you! I’ve completely cut out so many food groups because I had a fear that I couldn’t control myself around those foods. I havent had sugar/sweets in so long. Lately I’ve been thinking of incorporating those foods back into my diet…but I don’t know if I want to because I don’t know how my body will react, or how I’ll react. It’s definetly scary!
    But, on a positive note, I’m happy that you decided to go out of your comfort zone! You inspire me πŸ™‚

  14. Dani says:

    I absolutely feel the same. Through my recovery, one of my greatest fears is completely losing control. But I just have to remind myself : “You ARE in control”. We have to keep pushing ourselves and beat this thing! πŸ˜€

  15. Well go you!
    I know completely how difficult it is to trust oneself – letting go is really difficult!
    When i eat certain foods I have keep a super tight reign over myself, I can’t just enjoy the food and relax.
    You are so insightful and helpful, this is a great post πŸ™‚
    I am so happy that you enjoyed the evening and the food! It makes life so much nicer πŸ™‚
    Balance is definitely the key!
    I hope your Christmas shopping goes well lovely!

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